I'm sitting here this morning in the waiting area at Integris Grove Hospital. Thankfully, it is a beautiful, new hospital facility with a great waiting room. Unfortunately, I'm here to be stuck, stuck, and stuck again. You may have read on my Facebook that I was here on Tuesday for my routine glucose tolerance test. I got the call late Tuesday afternoon that my blood sugar levels were are little high, so I needed to take another, three hour test. So, here I am this morning, having fasted and enjoying the quiet time as I wait for my next blood draw.
I took the news that my blood sugar was out of whack much harder than I ever thought I would. The thought of having gestational diabetes, the thought of not having the perfect pregnancy, hit me hard. I was scared...for Baby Brother and for myself. I was scared that 50% of women with gestational diabetes develops Type II later in life. I was scared to learn that babies of moms who have gestational diabetes are at higher risk of being overweight, both at birth and as they grow. I am mad at my body for, in my crazy mind, turning on me and not doing what it is supposed to do. I'm worried about Baby Brother's sugar levels being stable after birth. I'm mad because I don't have one, not ONE, risk factor for gestational diabetes. I'm scared of getting sick during the test. I'm aggrevated of having to have blood drawn four seperate times in three hours.
Then I have to remind myself, this isn't a diagnosis. I'm just having further testing done. And no matter what the outcome, God is in control. He is in control of this test, He is in control of the outcome and the health of both Baby Brother and myself. Sometime yesterday I came to a great peace with this little bump in the road. I completely and totally turned it over to God. What else is there to do? Me worrying about it and stressing over it isn't going to make it any better or make it go away. It isn't going to change the outcome, but me turning it over to God is going to make me healthier, is actually me being able to DO something about it. And for this control crazy woman, that is saying something.