Thursday, January 13, 2011

Confession Number 75: I've Turned It Over

I'm sitting here this morning in the waiting area at Integris Grove Hospital.  Thankfully, it is a beautiful, new hospital facility with a great waiting room.  Unfortunately, I'm here to be stuck, stuck, and stuck again.  You may have read on my Facebook that I was here on Tuesday for my routine glucose tolerance test.  I got the call late Tuesday afternoon that my blood sugar levels were are little high, so I needed to take another, three hour test.  So, here I am this morning, having fasted and enjoying the quiet time as I wait for my next blood draw.

I took the news that my blood sugar was out of whack much harder than I ever thought I would.  The thought of having gestational diabetes, the thought of not having the perfect pregnancy, hit me hard.  I was scared...for Baby Brother and for myself.  I was scared that 50% of women with gestational diabetes develops Type II later in life.  I was scared to learn that babies of moms who have gestational diabetes are at higher risk of being overweight, both at birth and as they grow.  I am mad at my body for, in my crazy mind, turning on me and not doing what it is supposed to do.  I'm worried about Baby Brother's sugar levels being stable after birth.  I'm mad because I don't have one, not ONE, risk factor for gestational diabetes.  I'm scared of getting sick during the test.  I'm aggrevated of having to have blood drawn four seperate times in three hours. 

Then I have to remind myself, this isn't a diagnosis.  I'm just having further testing done.  And no matter what the outcome, God is in control.  He is in control of this test, He is in control of the outcome and the health of both Baby Brother and myself.  Sometime yesterday I came to a great peace with this little bump in the road.  I completely and totally turned it over to God.  What else is there to do?  Me worrying about it and stressing over it isn't going to make it any better or make it go away.  It isn't going to change the outcome, but me turning it over to God is going to make me healthier, is actually me being able to DO something about it.  And for this control crazy woman, that is saying something. 


  1. Charla, I remember when we decided to add children to our family...the big decision. I was really excited and yet fear took root in my heart for about a month. The fear brought on thoughts like, I'm not going to be able to have kids, so many friends have had struggles getting pregnant and I will too, etc.
    Then one day I realized that fear had crept in and I have never been one to be controlled by fear. So that morning I gave it to God. I put full trust in Him (not knowing I was already pregnant) and then later that week I had a positive pregnancy test.
    But I still clearly remember that morning when I kicked fear out of my life.
    I really enjoy your blog...I read when I can:)
    Tiffany Cooper

  2. Charli, Amanda had gestational diabetes with #1 and when they referred her for the 3-hour test on #2, she told them no--she'd just go ahead and follow the diet and skip the hassle of the test. Both of her kids were perfectly normal sized babies, and they are among the smartest, most adorable little boys I know (following Bear, of course). Not a thing is wrong with Mandy or her boys. You'll be fine. :)

    On an unrelated note, I so wish I could post comments on your menu page!! The Bistro Chicken looks good, and I have most or the things on hand. I really need to get my freezer refilled--not for impending babies, but just for my own sanity. All we have in there right now is leftover Italian Chili. That's a pretty weak freezer "stash!"

  3. Both times I had kids I had to do the 3 hour test and I was fine. I think the first one is too sensitive. With the 2nd child I even asked if I could start with the 3 hr test so I wouldn't have to do the drink twice. That stuff is nasty after drinking it twice for baby #1 and twice for baby #2. I rarely drink orange soda now.